Where is the head?
by Darth Azrael
Summary: Jonesy goes on a bad date and winds up writing a song about it. Rated T for many sexual references. Based on a webcomic I read. Strictly for readers over 15 next part of the trilogy is now up.
1. Where Is The Head?

**This song is based off of a short posted on you tube for the web comic least I could do by Ryan Sohmer and I thought it would be funny to have the 6Teen crew perform it. The song is set to the tune of the song "Time After Time". So here it is. "Where is the head" as performed by the 6Teen crew (well, Wyatt and Jonsey anyway)**

_This place ain't so bad when it 's about to close, _thought Nikki as she sat at the usual meeting table in front of The Big Squeeze. Wyatt was sipping his last cup of coffee of the night as the stores of the Galleria Mall pulled down their shutters and switched off the lights. Last minute shoppers headed for the doors as the P.A. system announced that the mall was officially closed. Jonesy was looking pretty upbeat considering he had just gotten fired _again. _Jude was applying some new grip tape to Sally. Jen was lounging while sipping from her cup of lemonade while Caitlin was cleaning the counter and looking at the latest teen magazine. "What's got you looking so upbeat?", asked Nikki. Jonesy leaned his chair back and propped his feet up on the table.

"I got a hot date tonight.", he said like he was the greatest thing since video games. "Who is it this time Jonesy?", Wyatt asked, finishing his coffee and tossing it in the trash can. Jonesy gave him a smirk. "You know the new girl Cassie Sandsmark?", he asked. Jude looked up from Sally. "You mean the dudette with the blonde hair that moved here from Massachusetts?", he asked. "That's the one.", Jonesy responded. "Duuuuuude", said Jude as he held his fist up. "Juuuuuude." said Jonesy reaching across the table and bumping Jude's fist with his own. "That girl is soooo hot.", Jude said returning to his board. "So what are you doing for your date?", asked Jen. "Thinkin' of doin' something old fashioned. Dinner and a movie.", said Jonesy. "Oooooohhh. That's so old school.", said Caitlin.

"HEY!!", an all too familiar voice called out. The six teens turned to see Ron-the-rent-a-cop stalking towards them. "You maggots need to clear out. The mall is closed.", Ron said. Six cell phones were pulled out of six pockets and six screens were lit, each one displaying the same time and went back into the pockets of their owners. "Sorry Ron, lost track of time.", Wyatt said. Despite Ron's distrust towards teenagers, Ron always seemed to give Wyatt and Jen the most slack. The war vet turned mall cop stared at them. "I'll let you off this time maggots. But don't let it happen again.", he said before heading off towards Belts, Belts, Belts. "Well, I gotta go pick up Cassie.", Jonesy said, heading towards the parking lot, the rest of the gang close behind him. "I gotta get home. Got some new song ideas.", Wyatt said as he headed for his car. "Later.", said Jen. She turned to Nikki. "You need a ride?", she asked. "Yeah thanks.", Nikki responded. "You need a lift Caitlin?", she called.

"No. Jude said he'd give me a ride.", the short blonde called over her shoulder as she and Jude headed for his car. "Later bra's", Jude called as he waved at them. "Later.", the two girls called back. "You think those two will ever just get it over with and get together?", Jen asked as she watched them get into his car. "Not sure.", said Nikki.

_**The Next Day**_

The gang was hanging out at their usual spot at The Big Squeeze. Wyatt was taking a sip from his third coffee when Jonesy walked over, handed him a folded sheet of paper, and took his spot at the table in front of the giant lemon. "Date not go well?", asked Caitlin. "Oh. Everything went well enough. Until I dropped her off afterwards.", Jonesy said. "What happened?", asked Wyatt, staring at the paper Jonesy had handed him. "I wound up writing a song about how it went.", Jonesy said pointing at the paper Wyatt was holding. "When I got home that song 'Time after Time' came on and I wound up writing the song to it's melody.", Jonesy said. As Wyatt looked over the lyrics he started laughing. "Oh man Jonesy. This is actually pretty funny.", he said. "What is bro's?", asked Jude rolling up to the table and stepping lightly off his board.

Wyatt handed him the paper, and Jude looked it over. Like Wyatt, he started laughing. "That's awesome dude.", he said. Then Jude got an excellent idea, which he vocalized by saying: "I just got an awesome idea to get Jonesy's song heard." Jonesy and Wyatt smirked. "Let's hear it.", Wyatt said.

_**One Hour Later, The Food Court**_

Ron was making his hourly rounds, on the lookout for any disrespectful maggots breaking mall law, when he heard the distinct sound of skateboard wheels. But before he could turn around a huge weight crashed into him. "Whoa. Sorry officer dude.", Jude said helping Ron to his feet while subtly snagging his keys to the security guard office and shoving them in his pocket. Ron brushed himself off. "You need to watch where your going punk. Skateboarding in the mall is illegal.", he said. "Sorry bro.", Jude said. "You're on thin ice Hang Ten.", Ron said before turning and walking away. Jude gave him a mock salute before bolting back to The Big Squeeze.

Jonesy and Wyatt waited anxiously for Jude to come back, and weren't disappointed as Jude came rolling up to them. "Mission accomplished.", Jude said simply pulling out the key's. "Alright. Let's go.", Wyatt said, grabbing his guitar.

_**Ten Minutes Later, The Security Guard Office**_

Jude unlocked the door, quickly rushing his friends inside before closing the door and locking it from the inside. Jonesy switched on the mall's P.A. system. "Hey all you mall shoppers. We interrupt this boring mall song for an important news announcement. A close friend of mine has written a song dedicated to a special girl that he would like to share with you. Here it is.", Wyatt said as pulled out his guitar. He played the opening verse as Jonesy began to sing.

_Driving late at night we hit a red light and I look at you._

_Thought I saw something, attraction my smile grew._

_Lean back, I relax. Get my belt undone._

_You sit there I'm wondering: Where is the--_

_This time you stare at me, confusion there in your eyes._

_How is this unclear? Your watching my penis rise._

_Then I yell: Go Down! It's almost green._

_And my paps not yet clean._

_But I bought you a meal and drove you home._

_Where is the head?_

_But by now I should be ejaculating._

_Where is the head?_

_Rather than pleasure me you question if I am hollow._

_My mind works differently._

_I'm wondering if you swallow._

_Sinking real low, I say to you: It's the right thing to do._

_But I sat there all night and I heard your words._

_Where is the head?_

_But I pretended to listen and even care._

_Where is the head?_

_I say: Go home. My balls are blue._

_My balls are blue._

_My hand will have to do._

_If you're going inside then you're leaving me._

_Where is the head?_

_Could you send out your sister introduce me_

_Where is the head?_

_I don't think that you're re-imbersing me_

_Where is the Head_

_My night is wasted. I need a hooker!!_

_Where is the head?_

_There is the head._

Wyatt finished playing the song with a flourish and outside cheers could be heard. The three ran out of the security guard office and into the elevator just as Ron made it up the escalator to the office.

_**The Big Squeeze, one very long elevator ride later**_

The three teens sat laughing for twenty minutes after their little concert. "That. Was too awesome bro ha, ha.", Jude said, still chuckling. "Yeah Jonesy. I might put that on the bands next CD.", Wyatt said. "Was that you guy's on the P.A. system?", Nikki asked. "Yeah punks. Was it?" asked Ron walking up behind them. "It couldn't have been them. They've been here for the past hour.", Caitlin said. "I know it was you punks. And as soon as I can prove it, you're outta the mall for good.", Ron said before walking off. "Close one.", Wyatt said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Totally dude. Thanks for coverin' for us Caitlin.", Jude said. Caitlin blushed slightly. "No problem.", she said. "Well that was more fun than I wanted to have today.", Wyatt said finishing his coffee and tossing it in the trash. "Definitely dude.", Jude agreed. Nikki glanced at her cell phone screen. "Well, my breaks over. Gotta get back to the Tacky Barn.", she said getting up and heading for her hell on earth.

"I gotta go to. Coach Halder wants me to re-organize the boxing equipment.", Jen said heading off to her own job. "Me and Jude hafta get back to Underground.", Wyatt said as he and Jude pushed in their chairs and headed for the independent movie store. "You guy's care if I tag along? I don't feel like looking for a new job just yet.", Jonesy said. "Sure dude.", said Jude hopping on Sally and skating ahead of them. "That was too much fun man.", Jonesy said. "Definitely.", Wyatt agreed. It had definitely been a fun day.

**There you have it. My first 6Teen fanfic. Hoped you enjoyed it.**

"**I am your superior. In rank **_**and**_** skill."-- Altair berating Melek for questioning his authority.**


	2. Your Just A

**Hi everybody. This is Darth Azrael with the next installment of what I call the Least I Could Do songfic trilogy. This is the next installment of the series set to the tune of Simple Plans song "I'm Just A Kid". This one involves Jude and emo kids.**

Jude was on his way to the food court to get lunch for himself, Wayne, and Wyatt. As he ollied over the empty stage the band guys used at Christmas and past a table, he noticed the people sitting at it. They wore all black, were extremely pale, and had dyed hair. Being the ever friendly guy that he is, Jude walked over to them. "What's up bro's and bra's? You guy's into that Goth stuff to, 'cause I had this girlfriend that--". "We aren't Goths loser.", said the kid closest to him. He was wearing a Mighty Weasel's T-shirt, and had a purple streak in his hair that covered his left eye. "Then what are you?", Jude asked. "We're Emo. We dress like this to rebel against our parents and because we hate our miserable lives.", said the kid. Jude looked at each of them. One guy was listening to a song on the new iPod touch while another was texting on an iPhone. A girl was typing away on the latest Mac laptop.

"You guys have some pretty expensive tech for people who live miserable lives.", Jude said. "Look just back off dude.", purple streak said. "Whatever dude.", Jude said. And with that, he hopped on Sally, picked up everybody's lunch, and returned to Underground. When he told the guys what had happened, Wayne laughed. "I see you've met the Galleria's chapter of emo kids.", he said switching off the movie he had been watching and putting it back on the Wayne's Picks Wall. Jude took a bite of his slice of pizza. "Those guys were so _annoying._", he said. "That's just how emo kids are. They think they've got it worse than everyone else.", Wyatt said before taking a sip of his third cup of coffee. Jude shook his head. "Those guys need a wake up call.", he said.

Just then, Simple Plans' song "I'm Just A Kid" began playing on the radio. As the song played through, Jude's eyes lit up. Pulling out a pen and a piece of paper from behind the counter, he began writing. When he finished writing, he handed the piece of paper to Wyatt. "Can you play that song on your guitar?", he asked. Wyatt started laughing as he continued to read what Jude had written. "What's so funny?", asked Wayne as he snatched the piece of paper from Wyatt and looked it over. He started laughing as well. "Oh. Dude. I will give you both a raise if you sing this on the empty stage in the food court.", Wayne said. Jude looked at Wyatt pleadingly. Wyatt sighed. "Fine. But we're gonna go through the proper channels for this. I'm not gonna have this end up like Jonesy's song.", he said. "So that _was_ you guys on the P.A. system.", Wayne said. Wyatt nodded. "Come on Jude. Lets go see if we can't get a hold of that stage for a couple of hours.", he said. "Why do we need the stage for a couple of hours? We're only singing one song.", Jude asked.

"I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to get the band there, maybe sell some CD's.", Wyatt said. "Smart thinking dude.", Jude said.

**THE NEXT DAY**

Wyatt's band stood on the stage playing one of their songs while Jude sat at a table selling CD's. As the band finished their song Wyatt looked up. The emo kids were sitting at the table three rows back. The rest of the gang (Wayne too) were sitting at a table close to the emo kids. He smiled. "Before we leave, we have one last song for you guys that's _not_ on the CD.", he gestured for Jude to come up on stage. Jude got up on stage and stepped up to the microphone while Wyatt strapped on his acoustic. "This song is dedicated to those emo kids back there.", Jude said pointing at the black clad kids. They looked up and scowled. Grinning like a bandit, he cued Wyatt to start playing, and began to sing.

Think you got it real bad

Always acting so sad

Bitching and complaining

To all

I hear you cry yourself to sleep with all the other sheep

I feel awfully bad for you.

With everything that you have been through

And then I think:

Your just a shit,

Your eighteen and Caucasian

Your just a shit

Not of the gay persuasion

No one in your family

Was brought here by slave ship

So who's been persecuting you?

You white

You should meet my buddy Jack

He's off fighting in IraqDodging mortars

And RPG's

Or I can tell you bout his dad who

While in Dien Bien Phu

Lost his leg and part of his gnads

But I'm sure he's sympathetic to you

And he would say:

Your just a shit

Your dad bought you a Hummer

Your just a shit

I almost died in the summer

I lived in a foxhole

With rats mice and fleas while

Gangrene had a party with me

Starving kids in Africa

All sharing a rice grain

Set up a charity for you

You with your iPod

Myspace and cellphone

Tell me again about the time

You got a splinter

Your just a shit

With your big house and big dog

Your just a shit

Now log off of your damn blog

Take off all your Make-up

And take out both your tampons

Get up off your ass and you'll see

Get a job you lazy, new age Simple Plan listening emo hippies

Wyatt finished the song, and the entire crowd erupted in cheers and laughs. Jude looked at the emo kids. They looked ready to jump the stage. He enjoyed seeing them that irritated. His good vibes were rudely interrupted by the much hated Rent-A-Cop. "That's it for you punks. Off the stage.", he said. As Jude got off the stage Ron grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, talking only loud enough for Jude to hear him. "Nice song punk. 'Bout time someone put those little brats in their place.", he said. With that, he turned, and walked away. "What was that about?", Wyatt asked, a guitar in both hands. "Nothin' dude.", Jude said. The rest of the gang (and Wayne) made their way over to them. Wayne was clutching his sides, still laughing. "G-guy's. Y-y-you just earned yourselves a big freakin' raise.", he said and , still laughing, went back to Underground. Caitlin ran up and gave Jude a tackle hug. "Jude that was amazing. I didn't even know you could sing.", she said. Jude rubbed the back of his neck, blushing slightly. "Neither did I.", he said. "Way to put the emo's in their place guys. They were more annoying then Diego.", Nikki said.

"I don't know about you guy's, but I'm thirsty.", Jonesy said. Caitlin waved them toward the elevator. "Come on. Lemonade's on me.", Caitlin said. "This was better than Jonesy's song.", Jen said. "Yeah, it was.", said Jude, glancing over his shoulder to see Purple Streak still glaring at him.

**That's the second song down. Might do one or two more. Review please. It keeps me going. Seriously your reviews keep my creative spark going.**

**Remeber to always keep your head down while in cover. I don't need you gettin' religious on me-- Marcus Fenix emphasizing the importance of keeping your head down while in cover to Ben Carmine.**


End file.
